by G. Corey Carlisle
You know that feeling of walking into a cathedral, standing at a monument, or entering some sacred area and sensing the atmosphere shift? Without a word being spoken, you knew you were no longer in a common area, but rather in a place that was somehow special, set apart, and sanctified.
What if your bedroom was like that? What if when you walked into your bedroom you felt a positive shift in the atmosphere?
Sanctifying our bedrooms is one way we can enhance the lovemaking atmosphere of our marriage. It helps to create an environment that is conducive to lovemaking.
To sanctify something is to consecrate it, make it holy, or set apart it as sacred and regard it with reverence.
Is your bedroom a sanctuary for your marriage or just another common area where you happen to also sleep?
Consider the following ways to sanctify your bedroom.
Set apart your bedroom for three main activities:
- Rest – sleep & space to relax and just be
- Restoration – showering, dressing, grooming, etc.
- Recreation (play)– sexual intimacy
We are certainly not limited to these activities, but the bedroom would be set apart for these activities. For example, it means that our bedroom is a place for us to hang out and play as a couple, not a place for our children to hang out and play. Likewise, in order to protect the sanctity of our bedroom, discussing finances or major conflicts might be better in the kitchen or home office.
When our bedroom becomes the dumping ground for our junk, stuff, and things, it is less likely to be a space that promotes lovemaking. Replace the workout equipment, stacks of papers and bills, dirty clothes, and the pictures of your Aunt Frieda with a décor that sets an intimate atmosphere for the two of you. Choose sights, sounds, and aromas that symbolize your oneness, and something your beloved can reflect on even when you are away. Give attention also to your tactile senses; make your room comfortable to be in and easy to turn toward each other.
Like a gardener, be intentional about cultivating your lovemaking atmosphere by setting boundaries for your bedroom and removing any “weeds” (e.g. take-home work, television, computer, pets, etc.) that are invasive and interfere with producing the fruit of intimacy. Bring only those things in your bedroom that will fertilize your intimacy and work to remove those things that, left unchecked, would choke out your intimacy.
Everyone’s situation is different, and what is ideal may not be possible for every living arrangement. Don’t get caught up in the details that you miss the spirit of this; sanctifying your bedroom even if just in spirit is a great way to enhance your lovemaking atmosphere.
May your bedroom be a haven for rest, restoration, and play with your spouse!
BMWK – is your bedroom your sanctuary? If not, what changes do you need to make to make your bedroom a haven for rest, restoration, and play with your spouse?
G. Corey Carlisle is a therapist at Building Intimate Marriages specializing in martial and sexual issues, and a recruiter for the SexInChristianAmerica.com research study. He holds the Master of Divinity in Marriage and Family Therapy from Amridge University and has received specialized training in Christian Sex Therapy from the Institute for Sexual Wholeness.
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