What the hell is her problem? This man is her husband yet she comes up with excuse after excuse as to why “tonight isn’t a good time.” In the past sex, was not an issue and she may have even uttered the words “my husband will never have to worry about sex.” Fast forward to the present and that man could beg, whine and cry, yet he will be lucky if she even touches “it.” Maybe it’s not always that extreme, but plenty of husbands have seen their sex lives decline and have no clue why. So here are five reasons that could help explain the reason why her husband isn’t getting any.
1. Because 2 minutes just isn’t enough.
Ok maybe he is giving more like 2 minutes and 59 seconds. But, the point remains the same. Many women require a certain amount of time and attention to get the most out of her sexual activity. Studies have shown that it takes the average woman 15 minutes and up to reach climax. If he is more concerned with getting his, then that will just lead to not getting a damn thing at all.
Store
like what you're reading?
Should a woman get foreplay and sex that last more than a commercial time slot? Absolutely!
Do I think that men should touch their wives more than when they want some sex? Absolutely.
However, none of those reasons are acceptable for not making love to your husband. All they show is a fundamental lack of understanding and communication of the Wife expressing her needs to her husband.
I read all 6 reasons twice and not once did I see any suggestions for the wife to adjust or understand how important sex is to a man.
All I saw were nebulous reasoning to justify denying a husband one of the most fundamental and important parts of a marriage.
We should really take this ” I will do ONLY when I feel like it” approach to all other parts of the marriage and see how that works out.
It is called sacrifice people. It is very useful in a marriage.
I have and will do things for my wife and children when I don’t feel like it or want to do. My wife does the same for her husband and our kids as well.
The idea that marital sex is the one place that sacrifice doesn’t come into play is fascinating.
Justify it all you want ladies but that attitude is detrimental to marriage.
sorry for the formatting, I dont know why it all got put together like that.
well said.
It’s not about justifying it’s about understanding what issues are contributing to the problem. I agree that there is plenty women have to understand and do as well. This article is just addressing one side of it at the moment but that does not mean it dismisses everything else that plays into this issue. It is still in our best interest as people to focus on what we can control and what we can improve upon. A man who is mindful of these things will simply increase his ability to receive sex from his wife and make the sex better. Ignoring it and just looking at what she needs to do won’t help the situation progress as much as it could. Both sides have to put their best foot forward at the end of the day.
Bravo
Amen!
well said!
Well spoken.
AMEN. I was coming here to say EXACTLY that.. so glad I don’t have to.
Women who “sacrifice” and have sex when they don’t feel like it or don’t feel it at all are called prostitutes. Go buy one and just forgo the wife.
Seriously your whole paragraph is DRIPPING with sheer ignorance.
Any man who would want to make love to a woman who doesn’t want him, either at that moment or ever, has bigger problems than ANYTHING in this article.
Sex for men is sex. Sex for women is personal. You “enter” a woman. There is NO SACRIFICE that should be expected when you are entering inside my body. NONE. PERIOD. You disgusting person.
Dasugo — well said — “We should really take this ‘I will do ONLY when I feel like it’ approach to all other parts of the marriage and see how that works out” — The woman wrote this and the women reading the ONE SIDED points better get real and understand that God created the institution of marriage and what roles he defined for the man woman that should get explained during marriage counseling.
Yes, just 5 more excuses for married women. They also need to adjust their own approach. It is not only down to the man for them to get into the mood. Men also have 45 problems, including her.
O.k. – this is hard for most to do, but when all this stuff is going on there are ways to handle it. 2-minutes – that is called a quickie in the shower…do it everyday and he won’t be complaining. Stress – it can be a stress reliever, just let him know you need to be receiving today – too stressed to give this round. Getting on nerves – make him a deal, he doesn’t do anything to annoy you for 24 hours – he can have all the sex he can manage during the same 24 hours – cut him off when he breaks the deal. Not treating you right otherwise – same thing – as long as you are good to me, you can have whatever you like…mean husbands don’t have the same access as nice ones. Lastly – carve out some time – even if its a Saturday afternoon where you send your kids off with a relative or friend and the two of you just stay in bed…whether you actually have sex or not..just stay in bed together and see what happens…no phones, no distractions. Try it.
Your comments are very solution based….. What a great way to turn the negatives into positives!!!
Hit the nail right on the head 50x
My philosphy when it comes to sex and not feeling like it is “just take one for the team”. Husbands are easier to deal with when they have been feed. Ladies you have 99 prombles to deal with and when you don’t have sex with your husband he become problem #100.
I can totally relate! Normally, I call myself taking one for the team…but once I let go…I really enjoy it for myself. (TMI…lol)
Not t.m.i., glad you shared and I feel the exact same way. Just nice to know I am not the only one who feels like that and uses the same phrase.
That’s my comment above, thought my name was on it.
Pingback: Men Need Relationship Advice Too!! | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family
I find the comments here just as thought provoking as the article. I liked the comment that said that sex is about SHARED gratification and love. Neither partner should feel like they are sacrificing or taking one for the team in my opinion. I think when people are communicating properly on a consistent basis, there isn’t much room for a divide in the bedroom. Women sometimes do use lack of sex to punish their husbands and boyfriends and I think that is wrong. I also think it’s wrong for a man to expect sex because he wants it no matter how his wife is feeling. If one person within the couple have an issue then they both have the issue. Neither should want to be intimate until they are both on the same page. Just my thoughts. Nice article! Please visit http://www.venusblogs.com where they discuss similar issues.
…..or he’s let himself go. People tend to think that only women need to worry about this but men do as well. There’s only so many times that a man can come to bed with a pot belly and black socks plus violate all of those other things like “Get on her nerves” and “doesn’t put forth an effort to initiate foreplay or last longer”. Mix all of those together and that’s a recipe for disaster.
This is very true. Had I made the list longer I would have definitely added that one in their. It is a big issue but it seems that women tend to not voice it as much. The couples I have coached have had this problem but it’s almost like the woman is picking her battles and “letting himself go” is the one she usually doesn’t engage in much.
I found this article pretty stereotypical and one sided. There is just as many wives as there is husbands not”getting any”.
In what way has this information been presented as stereotypes? Are they not valid reasons that contribute to the issue or do you believe the things on the list are not correct? If an article discusses one aspect it does not mean it is dismissing any other involved.
This is why most married men cheat. One woman cannot physically satisfy one healthy heterosexual man. There is a simple solution: get a mistress or a divorce.If you are single you will have a string of women willing to have sex with you. While the married guy has all his eggs in one basket and then still may not get sex if he didnt take the trash out.
I have to respectfully disagree with you. One woman can satisfy one man but if he continues to neglect her emotionally and physically then he will never get to find out for himself. Your solution only adds more issues and does not truly solve anything. Marriage isn’t the issue, it is how people continually choose an ineffective approach and handling of marriage which is the real problem.
Pingback: Sex is Good, But It's not Good Enough to Sustain a Marriage | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family
I have to agree with almost everything that was stated here. Sometimes the expectation for women is set so high that if we don’t meet them, we feel not good enough, but what about when our husbands come to us looking any kind of way, pushing themselves on us with their bad breathe and body odor. Listen, I understand what the bible says about submitting ourselves one to another because this will cast out any want to seek and get satisfaction outside of the marriage, but men need to come correct just like we do. Don’t complain about me and get mad when I have something to say about you. It is a turn off to come to bed any kind of way expecting us to be ready when you “look or smell a hot mess.” Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
A husband and wife are suppose to have sex and alot of it.. We have understand why God create sex and it is not just to make babies. It is for pleasure, bonding, fun. So if you want to get married you meaning the husband or wife you can’t say sex is conditional or I will do it when I feel like. The Bible states that a husband’s body belongs to his wife and a wife’s body belongs to her husband.
Wow. Stephan is so on point with his message. This can be for both men and women to understand. Unity is what God would want for us as a married couple. Sex in marriage is not just about gratifying one person and it seems that husbands are sincere about pleasing their spouse but what they need to realize is that she may want sex every time that he does, which is often. Lol This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy sex, it is just that women have more biological and hormonal things going on. Also, women tend to think too much, so if they feel like other things are affecting their sex life, like bills, children, school, etc then sex is the last thing on their mind. This does not give men open access for cheating. This is not written in God’s word. HE states that you can abstain from sex for a time but to come back together, so that satan might not tempt you. 1 Cor 7:5 Truth hurts!
I enjoyed the article but I DO think we start to drink the kool aid as far as women always being the root cause of sexless marriages and relationships. I am headed down the isle with a man I love so very much but we do not have a very active sex life, not because I don’t want it but because of a combination of issues with him ranging from the physical to the emotional from a previous relationship.