When I was a teenager, and in my first relationship, I found myself completely inspired by the wisdom contained in the lyrics of an En Vogue song. “Hold On” discussed exactly how one ought to show up in a relationship, especially in one worth keeping. Complaining and failing to provide our partners space could possibly steer our relationship in the wrong direction. Listening to the lyrics below reminded us all of just how to “hold on” to our love.
“Oooh, my first mistake was
I wanted too much time
I had to have him morning, noon, and night
If, I would of known then
The things that I know now
I might not have lost the time I complained about”
And the other verse of this song speaking volumes to women everywhere was:
“Give, him love everyday
Remember he needs space
Be patient and he’ll give his heart to you”
Although the words above are from a woman’s perspective, they are universal and could apply to any individual. These lyrics, along with the teachings of my mother, spoke to me and aided me in future relationships. Space, I realized was very important. Because it always felt great to have my own “me time” it made sense a potential mate would desire the same. A relationship shouldn’t consume me nor should I be so needy as to want all of my partner’s time. There is a life outside of every relationship and it ought to be lived and enjoyed.
This topic recently resurfaced with a recent comment from a reader who shared the following:
” And always give one another room to breathe. May God bless us all in our relationships and in every area of our lives. He is our Center and Beloved Savior”
Yes, room to breathe, space and alone time are necessary. I’ve previously mentioned the importance of not losing ourselves in marriage and appearing too needy to our partners. I don’t know what I would do or how I would show up in my marriage if there wasn’t time just for me. In my opinion, smothering, questioning our spouse’s every move and not allowing him/her to go anywhere without us, just isn’t healthy. It’s stressful to both partners and displays a level of distrust. In the long run, it causes regrets and resentment, which both lead to more serious relationship issues. We must be willing to trust and allow our partners to have a life outside of us. Of course we can still be their best friend, but it also feels good when they can maintain healthy connections with others.
If it’s been a while since you’ve listened to that En Vogue song, or if it’s completely new to you, give it a play. “Hold On” is a great expression of the space we all need in our relationships.
BMWK, does your spouse have room to breathe?
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