http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ Blackandmarriedwithkids.com Forums: Recent Posts en Mon, 22 Mar 2010 03:43:16 +0000 http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=2#post-197 Tue, 23 Feb 2010 01:27:25 +0000 Mztialady 197@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>My husband and I met on the internet. We lived across the country from each other and had no intentions of being anything other than friends. We became best friends. Fast forward 7 years, we are still best friends and now significant others. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=93#post-196 Sun, 27 Dec 2009 15:03:27 +0000 TristacaColin 196@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Thank you for the response Btrfly414. I definitely needed someone to be honest and upfront with me despite knowing the answer to my own question hearing it from a stranger always makes it easier to swallow such a "pill", honesty that is. I am working on trusting that my husband will do right by me and the marriage, hence we have discussed said issue and have moved on. Since I last wrote we have done more things as a couple and have made more of an effort to function as a unit just as well as we do as individuals. We talk more about what it is we expect from each other for this marriage, before I just assumed things automatically changed once we got married and our single lives as well as behavior was behind us. I should have never assumed. I now make it clear what I expect from him and he does the same with me. As far as his friends are concerned I let my hurt and anger get the better of me. My husband is an adult my issues were with him and him alone. So I will work on them with him and him alone. Keeping my faith that God will walk beside me through this I know my marriage will only grow stronger as I too grow in this marriage. Stay well Btrfly414 and again thank you. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=97#post-195 Sat, 12 Dec 2009 20:56:50 +0000 tareekakelly 195@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Cases 1- 4<br /> 1. Cursing, swearing, taking the Lord's name in vain for any and everything; it grows tiresome and stressful very quickly. Every one find themselves in the occasional situation where the King's English will not suffice and a colorful expletive is the only way to deliver the moment in true color (HD), but when a woman who is candidate for your long term affections cannot command the mental discipline to restrain from practicing free flowing foul language, then one has to give serious consideration to whether that woman is suited to consider for a life partner. The funny thing about this is, that it is probably a measure of the double standard,on the part of the man, who may himself swear verbosely; but in his defense, he is attempting to better himself by association, with someone of a higher standard than himself; his wife. He doesn't just choose you (his woman )to suit himself, but he also needs to get the approval of those whom he holds in highest esteem and around whom he expects his life to rotate. He cannot afford to be constantly threatened by the possibility of embarrassment, because you are not in control of your tongue. Most of the time, swearing is unnecessary and probably just a result of mental laziness; refusal to employ cognitive, linguistic discipline in forming ideas, and the patience to express them in a civil manner that it is not offensive to the public at large. Pick up a dictionary and teach yourself a few new words per day/week, whatever.</p> <p>2. Don't act like or pretend to be one of 'the Boys' just to be liked; it makes you look like a people-pleaser who will do anything to make a situation work, especially when something is offensive to you as a person or as a self respecting female. When go out with a new man he is looking for you to chart a pattern of behavior that will govern his actions, if you start to act like you don't respect yourself or what's important to you, he will quickly endorse that and act accordingly. Therefore, it is imperative that you set a standard of behavior for yourself before you go out with him or any man, and stick to your guns. If he is looking for a fling he will not have the patience to live up to your expectations, that's OK, let him go his way. I am not talking about setting unrealistic and ureasonable standards that you, yourself cannot live up to in the long run, I am talking about a list of requirements that you have designed for yourself after concious introspection and soul searching of self: that demand to be met for happiness to be achieved.</p> <p>3. Do not show up for your first date unprepared. Always have an agenda: Know what you want to do on your date, it is OK to let the man choose the place as long as you are OK with the choice. Surprises are OK if you have stated your preferences: don't let him take you to a movie if you recommended a quiet place to talk and he circumvents your request. If you want to talk, interview or interrogate your date, the movie is not a good place to execute that exercise. Men are well aware that the movies and or Club is not the place to conduct a serious talk, so to avoid the talk they will always try to find a distracting environment to assist them in diverting attention from their agenda, if they have one. Some men are just not good communicators so they try to navigate around the full, frontal face-off by avoiding situations that promise to engage them in honest, open conversation. Their goal is avoid disclosure in any, way for as long as they can. The man who is in a hurry to get on with his plan will always employ diversion and once you fall for the first play he will never digress. Don't let him. Grab your purse and call a cab. Set a precedence or get ready for the same old BS.</p> <p>4. Do not afford yourself the most expensive item on the menu at dinner, on your first date. (This is test.) Even if he can afford it, don't overdo it. I am not going to be feed you that old cliche about being classy, if you are classy you will know instinctively what to do, but as a rule, he is hoping that you will play your true hand here. If you are 'hungry' he will feed you to your indulgence to get what he wants; which may fit right into your agenda. If that's what you are about then eat and be merry. On the other hand if you are looking for 'The Man'; The One', then the meal is not the key, it just affords you the oppotunity to role play while you investigate this individual and pre-qualify or qualify him. This is a test; hint, it is not about dinner, don't compromise yourself, this is about opportunity. The 'Real Man' is hoping you will make it about him, not just his wallet. Make it about him: Good or Bad. Don't waste a good oppotunity being sidetracked with expensive 'Bait', interview the 'Dude', get the answers you need, You can grab a Big Mac on the way home without have to feel as if you were 'Paid-For'. </p> <p>To be continued in the next submission</p> <p>Michael Eric Markland<br /> Author Of: Why The Hell Can't I Find A Good Man? (From A Man's Point Of View)<br /> Pick up a copy AT<br /> <a href="http://michaelericmarkland.com/preorder.htm" rel="nofollow">http://michaelericmarkland.com/preorder.htm</a><br /> or <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Why-Hell-Cant-Find-Good/dp/1439250995/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1254840220&amp;sr=1-1" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Why-Hell-Cant-Find-Good/dp/1439250995/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1254840220&amp;sr=1-1</a> </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=96#post-194 Sat, 05 Dec 2009 15:08:54 +0000 RG 194@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I have recently found out that my wife has been talking to her old high school boyfriend on the cell phone. they talk constantly. Daily. She tries to act like she's not doing anything, which really makes me mad, beacuse if the shoe were on the other foot, I know I'd be in the doghouse for life.How do I confront her about this. I'm sure this old flame is just trying to get a quick fling out of this. She seems like she wants to try it. From what breif history that I know him, my wife left him for his cheating ways-now she wants him over me? I have never cheated on my wife and don't intend to. I'm not the perfect husband, but I don't think I deserve to be treated like this.I want her to stop and focus on our marriage,but I think her old flame is putting stuff in her head. And by the way I have his cell number,home address and home number as well.What can I do? </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=95#post-193 Sun, 29 Nov 2009 22:40:07 +0000 RG 193@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>My wife is telling me that she has basically fallen "out of love" with me after 17 years of marriage.She says that she needs time off from our marriage. I'm trying to understand but it is hard. I know that I'm the man in this relationship, but I feel totally helpless. I don't want to lose her. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=91#post-192 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:39:49 +0000 married_forever_to_mike 192@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I hope no one is hooking up, if they are married! </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=94#post-191 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:38:26 +0000 married_forever_to_mike 191@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>This is a difficult thing to endure. Honestly, after much prayer and counseling I would probably stay, if it was just a pull on the arm. Now if it went further than that, I would have to depart from the situation. Not sure about divorce or what I would do, but I would definitely seperate myself from the situation. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=94#post-190 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:16:43 +0000 moongirl 190@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>If your husband became physical with you (grabbing of the arms, which left bruises and thrown to the floor) after what he says resulted in a ton of stress from home and work, He had grabbed my arms once a couple of years back, NEVER has called you out of your name. He is always with the family, he doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs.</p> <p>Married 16yrs with children.</p> <p>He immediately knew what he did was wrong and has begged and pleaded and cried for me not to leave.</p> <p>Would you leave? </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=93#post-189 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:20:05 +0000 btrfly 189@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Hi Trista<br /> A couple of things, take care of yourself. You mentioned that you have trust issues with men. Why and how are you going about getting healing from those issues? It is not your husband's responsiblity to heal you of your insecurities. However, it is his responsiblity to be an integral part of your healing process. Part of that process is to monitor his actions and his relationships. You seem perturbed with the "friends" and their comments. They have no responsibilty or relationship to/with you to hold to any standard. The responsiblity is your husband's and husband's alone. Where do you go from here? You work on your trust issues, you and your husband work on your marriage, get involved with other positive married couples and couple studies, both of you commit to a life together for yourselves first and your children.</p> <p>Btrfly414 </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=93#post-188 Sun, 22 Nov 2009 20:20:44 +0000 TristacaColin 188@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I have been married for a little over a year now and my husband and I have a beautiful little girl. Overall, he's a good man all around. When we first started dating he told all about a friend he had, he spoke very highly of her. She and I finally met at my baby shower. That was my first and last time seeing her. She seemed pleasant. Then I noticed once we were married and taking care of our family we wasnt in contact with her as much. That is unless she needed a favor. My husband DJ's on the side so she would call for events like that. I am fine with my husband going out. However, I have told him to just show me and the relationship respect. Women shouldn't be grinding their a$$ets on you! Well, he said ok. I recently found pics on his facebook page that said otherwise. So here are my issues which I conveyed to him. Why would you lie to me, disrepect me that in that manner after I already expressed how I would feel about that, why would you post such disrepect on facebook? I already have trust issues with men, now I have them with my husband and more so his friends. It was his friends party and she took a number of such pics and posted them. The comment under the pic mentioned something of him getting in trouble. The so called friend and her cousin whom my husband was so called dancing with immediately when he commented saying he already did. Their response was not what I expected from one woman to another. "he shouldnt have drank it impaired his judgement" "so what if he got in trouble he's a b**ch a** if he did" " oh so thats why you wont dj anymore, your wife said no" granted i said no such thing the pics were old and i just recently found them. Only one person said "you would be mad too it where your hubby" I dont think comments like that come from a friends with good intentions. I would want the friendship end, but its his choice. I have no respect for his friend and use that term loosely now, especially after her response. Yes my husband used bad judgement that night, he knows it and we've discussed it. but what a good a friend are you if you cant even tell him, "hey what are doing, your wife is waiting for you at home." I personally feel he disrespected me and so did she. Where do I go from here? </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=64#post-187 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:39:17 +0000 jtb 187@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>LOL at YolandaMichelle, but you are correct! Having a boyfriend is not a commitment, and therefore, you can't cheat if you aren't committed. The only committed relationship is marriage. And after 9 years, and he hasn't made you his wife, that in itself is a problem! jazz1eme is also correct!!!!!! Marriage is not only a joining of a man and woman, but you sign a contract with God as well. I think that's were most people fall short, they forget that God is the 3rd person in every marriage, or should be!!!! So to cheat on your spouse, is to cheat on God as well! There is NEVER a good reason to cheat on your spouse! </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=2#post-186 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:31:14 +0000 jtb 186@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I met my husband in grade school at the age of 9, our paths crossed again in 2005 at our 10 high school reunion. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=64#post-185 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:31:31 +0000 Married10years 185@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Yes there is justification for cheating. Because both will be too blame if the person was cheating because of something not being taken care of at home. How you handle the situation and conditions of your love will justify the affair. In relationships there are agreements and then there is reality. Reality is it’s not easy to walk away from the home you have built…including time invested. You do love the person for many reasons…however youth, needs and wants should be a priority! When love isn’t being made at home the door for temptation is swung wide open. Most people should know this…even the bible speaks of it. So just be careful of how you are handling things because you could be handing your man or woman over on a silver platter. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=92#post-184 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:23:21 +0000 Married10years 184@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Just continue to mother her. Love her for who she is including the good things about her that comes from you! As long as you arent feeling abusive things will work out. You might be stressing and need a break from a young girl who is about to go through the change. Peace be with you! </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=92#post-183 Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:25:22 +0000 tiredmommie 183@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>funny u should ask...she puts me in the mind of the little girls i couldn't stand when i was her age. i know, i should grow up and get over it. believe me, i've tried. i have noticed that when she and i spend one on one time together, it's much better than when her younger sister is with us. i've been trying to spend more time with her so i can get past my childish feelings.</p> <p>i do love her and want nothing but the best for her. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=92#post-182 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:43:40 +0000 Determined1 182@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>You have to ask yourself why you dont like your oldest. Does she remind you of someone whom you dislike? And try not to beat yourself up about it. She may do things that annoy you hopefully you still love her the same as a you do with your youngest. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=64#post-181 Sun, 08 Nov 2009 02:56:55 +0000 tiredmommie 181@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>couldn't have said it better myself brothatech. onlikia, u need to be a woman and take responsibility and accountability for urself. stop waiting on ur boyfriend to do something wrong so u can play the victim. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=92#post-180 Sun, 08 Nov 2009 02:40:34 +0000 tiredmommie 180@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>i know it's a terrible thing to say, but i don't think i like my oldest child. she's 8 and the youngest is 5. most things the oldest does simply irritate me. the youngest i want to be with most of the time. i don't want to feel this way, but i can't shake it. any thoughts or words of wisdom? </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=91#post-178 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:53:44 +0000 2boys1girl 178@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>An old friend of mine mentioned that there was a topic discussed on the Tyra Show that related to couples "hooking up" through websites designed for something different. I'm not sure if it was this site or not but there's something disturbing about that to me but then again if it has happened, I don't know the circumstances so I'm not judging. Just curious... </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=78#post-177 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:40:54 +0000 2boys1girl 177@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Wow! Good stuff. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=90#post-176 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:27:56 +0000 soralupilor 176@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Are you interested in contributing to the growing body of research on what it means to be a mother? If you are, please participate in our study on the inner lives of mothers sponsored by Columbia University's Teachers College. This online survey takes about 30-45 minutes to complete and is completely anonymous. Results of this survey are to be included in a book called "Who Mothers Mommy?" If you would like a preview of findings we’ve got thus far – from over 2,000 moms – you’ll have the option of including your email address on the last page of this survey. </p> <p>Please follow this link to take part or to find out more information:<br /> <a href="http://www.momsaspeople.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.momsaspeople.com/</a> </p> <p>Thank you! </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=78#post-175 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:03:10 +0000 BrothaTech 175@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Two resources for you:</p> <p>1. Small Business Administration - tons of FREE business recourses...may even lead to some FREE money for you guys <a href="http://www.sba.gov/" rel="nofollow">http://www.sba.gov/</a></p> <p>2. Wordpress - FREE blog software that will enable you to start your own blog/website (yes, it is easy to do) <a href="http://wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow">http://wordpress.com/</a></p> <p>Did I mention they are FREE?</p> <p>No excuses...JUST DO IT! </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=64#post-174 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:07:17 +0000 BrothaTech 174@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p><em>"...I guess I feel that if you are not happy and you have lost the will power to try and make your relationship work, then why cheat just leave."</em></p> <p>If YOU have lost the will power to try and make YOUR relationship work, then why sit under somebody just for the sake of being under somebody and just leave? </p> <p>...at least homeboy is trying to make himself some sort of happy...You on the other hand sound like you are cool with being stuck on relationship standby. Why are you waiting on him to make the first move? TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, when he does make or hints at making a move that you don't agree with...he is the bad guy? You know what you have to do,you already said you both have pulled away from each other, but again, you are waiting on somebody else to make you happy (which is prolly why you two are unhappy in the first place) </p> <p>*did I say that last part aloud*</p> <p>"I am the master of my fate, the captian of my soul" &lt;----just a little something from me to you! USE IT! </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=64#post-173 Sun, 25 Oct 2009 01:01:19 +0000 YolandaMichelle 173@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Onlikia...I thought the site was black and married with kids...and u have a questions about your boyfriend?????...enough said after 9 years. Ask this question after you have been MARRIED for nine years!!! </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=77#post-172 Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:07:16 +0000 chrisandraw 172@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>It's me again. Anyone in the NY/NJ area we are going to a Halloween party. Visit the site for details. <a href="http://www.meetup.com/marriedblackcouplesunited" rel="nofollow">www.meetup.com/marriedblackcouplesunited</a> </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=82#post-171 Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:15:19 +0000 2boys1girl 171@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I'm so sorry I missed this. I regretfully have not checked the show out yet but I do want to support it. Thanks! </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=89#post-170 Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:11:25 +0000 2boys1girl 170@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Are things basically the same whether you grew up in the 60s, 70s, 80s vs. now??? If not, what do you think is different? </p> <p>You could probably actually think of several similarities and differences if you really thought about it. One similarity I can think of is "hand-me-downs"... still going strong. </p> <p>A big difference would be outside play vs. these dang video games!!! I'm not knocking video games (and I realize that a lot of children still do appreciate just being outside)but sun up to sun down play (including kickball, freeze tag, jump rope, dodge ball, football, hand games, card games, made up games and wherever little minds can take you during a day and yes, "freaky friday") beats video games any day in my book! </p> <p>What are some of the things you miss from "back in the day"? </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=78#post-169 Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:54:16 +0000 rd2peace 169@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>We're working on website possibilities. :-) </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=88#post-168 Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:48:37 +0000 rd2peace 168@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>Hello,</p> <p>I'd like to know how I can change my username. Also, can posts be deleted by the user?</p> <p>Thanks!<br /> Rd2peace </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=87#post-167 Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:50:51 +0000 Juwar74 167@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I thought folks might be interested in a site my sister directed me to. It's interesting and indicative of the strength of black families. <a href="http://www.oneblackfamily.com" rel="nofollow">www.oneblackfamily.com</a> </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=86#post-166 Tue, 20 Oct 2009 13:54:10 +0000 Damali 166@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I agree with Determined but I must add that I'm sure your feelings are being fueled by coming home to a second shift - that to me is not cool. Husband needs to realize that taking care of the home and the kids is a job that he can and should be doing right now. Being the at-home spouse/parent is not easy but, like any job, when well done it can be very rewarding and may help him feel better about himself. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=62#post-165 Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:14:57 +0000 Determined1 165@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I havent read anything so upfront and so true in such a long time!! Every female should read this and apply this to their life. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=86#post-164 Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:52:11 +0000 Determined1 164@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I can totally relate to your situation. I too, am married and my husband isnt working and I know how frustrating it can be. But there are some things that you can do to make the situation a little better. For instance, you have to find time for yourself!!Go for walks or read a good book, but you must find time to reflect and pray. Do something that will help you feel good cause your positive mood will then make him feel good also.<br /> And also you have to realize that he got fired which means that he his hurting also. I can see if he quit but he got fired and he didnt have any control over that so you two have to learn to pull together and come to some type of resolution. Tell him how you feel and what you want from him and vice versa. Or you can help him look for jobs also. As for how long should one be supportive, well thats totally up to you but if you do decide to be supportive for another year or ten more years make sure you dont lash out on him cause it was your decision. We all have our breaking point. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=86#post-163 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 06:38:27 +0000 dezinicole 163@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I am a mid-30's female, married, with three kids. My husband and i had always thought of ourselves as the typical middle-class family until recently. Both my husband and I have always held full-time jobs. My husband, however has always been the "breadwinner" of the family. Last December my husband was laid off from his generous paying job. Intially we were ok, as we had a little bit of savings tucked away. The savings went quickly, my husband did not qualify for unemployment, and here we are almost a year later and still no job. At first my husband went through a period of depression which lasted a couple of weeks, but he picked himself up and dusted himself off and started to look for work. As time passed, it seemed to me that he stopped looking as hard. I maintained my job which just managed to cover our bills and living expenses(after a few necessary lifestyle changes) and took as much overtime as possible to make ends meet....Here's the problem...I have tried to be encouraging and understanding but how long do I continue like this. We have two children who are not yet school age. When I was pregnant with our last child I stayed home with the baby for eight months until I voluntarily decided to go back to work. Although we both decided that my staying home was the best arrangement for our family at that time, my husband always uses this as an excuse as to why I CAN'T complain about his not working("You were home for eight months and I didn't say a thing"). I work at night three times a week, 7am-7pm, and when I get home, I am welcomed by dishes piled high, kids unkept, and the house a wreck! I usually end up coming home from work only to begin at second shift at home. I am physically exhausted and mentally drained! I have tried to discuss with my husband that I need his help and also that perhaps he should stop waiting for this six figure salary job to magically appear and get a JOB...ANY JOB---he seems to only look for jobs similar to what he used to do. He either claims that he is actively looking and no one is hiring or that his losing his job has been traumatic...he has lost his way and just needs to get his footing. I have so much resentment towards my husband at this time. Our relationship has been greatly affected, including our sex life, which by the way had already been strained. He accuses me of looking at him as less of a man now that he has lost his job...sadly enough I think he maybe right. I want to be supportive, but i am hurting in so many ways. I feel so run down...I am constantly sick. I used to be so proud that everyone always mistook me for a person in her late teens, early twenties; No one has done that in awhile!...I feel defeated. How long should one be supportive of their unemployed spouse?...Any thoughts are welcome. </p> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/topic.php?id=64#post-162 Thu, 15 Oct 2009 01:02:28 +0000 jazz1eme 162@http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/forums/ <p>I have been married for 14 years and truly believe there is no justification for cheating. You take vows and make covenant with "God", not just with each other, that you won't. </p> <p>Most times when people cheat, it's an underlying issue with themselves and not their mate. Cheating is a selfish act that most want to justify as someone elses problem and not their own.</p> <p>Most will only bring up that something was missing from the relationship until after the act has been done. They won't take it upon themselves to reach out to their mate and let them know the relationship is lacking something. That something may be something they're causing and may not be aware of it. </p>