Blackandmarriedwithkids.com Forums » Love and Relationships

Is someone ever justified to cheat

(12 posts)

  1. Onlikia
    Member

    I've been with my boyfriend for a while (9 years), and he and I have problems and have not been happy for sometime, but we still love eachother. We've basically gotten fed up with the problems in our relationship and sort of pulled away from one another (emotionally that is). Basically we've stopped trying to make one another happy. So we're just co-existing. However, when my boyfriend and I do discuss the issues in our relationship, the conversation ends with him making the statement "Well if you are not having sex with me then what do you expect me to do?" Which suggest that if he's not sexually happy within the relationship, then he's justified to cheat on me.

    So I'm wondering if anyone is really justified to cheat on someone if that person isn't happy? I guess I feel that if you are not happy and you have lost the will power to try and make your relationship work, then why cheat just leave.

    Posted 1 year ago #

  2. unitedpraise
    Member

    I completely agree with you. That has been all I have ever said from day one. Of course it will hurt to lose someone that you love especially when it's not mutual.... but I know that I can handle it better than cheating. It's also respectable of a man to just admit things are not working, state that he wants to leave and then do it. A coward will just cheat.

    Posted 1 year ago #

  3. unitedpraise
    Member

    Truthfully, I think most men cheat so that the woman will leave them, so they can just take the easy way out.

    Posted 1 year ago #

  4. MissJay
    Member

    I agree. I think it's that and they just want to have that excitement of something/someone new and still have the comfort of home.

    Posted 1 year ago #

  5. chivalry35244
    Member

    im a man, i've been married for two years three mos( approx) and the only reason that i think a man would cheat on his wife or significant other is because there's somethin missing from his relationship. and i would like to assume that he mentioned what it is that he was wanting.

    my question is if its a reasonable request and it would mean the world to him, make him happy and strenghten your relationship why not do it? I mean are you not in each others life to make it better, if he's willing to do all that he can to make you happy why not reciprocate the same level of love and affection that he has for you?

    Posted 1 year ago #

  6. creative75
    Member

    But the question is "Is there any justification for cheating?". I don't care what your not getting or feel you need. Cheating is never the answer. Just leave! My friend has herpes now from her husband's affairs. He also has an 8 year old child that he just found out about and is paying $815/month in child support. This has rocked their home tremendously! They've been married 20 years. She is distaught with sadness but very religious and won't leave. He's supposedly just as religious so they weren't unequally yolked in that aspect. The two affairs that created the child and the herpes situation occured while they were separated due to military demand. She and I do not believe that those are the only affairs he's had though. So some men are just gonna be cheaters no matter what you do. I just wish she didn't have to suffer so much.

    Posted 10 months ago #

  7. jazz1eme
    Member

    I have been married for 14 years and truly believe there is no justification for cheating. You take vows and make covenant with "God", not just with each other, that you won't.

    Most times when people cheat, it's an underlying issue with themselves and not their mate. Cheating is a selfish act that most want to justify as someone elses problem and not their own.

    Most will only bring up that something was missing from the relationship until after the act has been done. They won't take it upon themselves to reach out to their mate and let them know the relationship is lacking something. That something may be something they're causing and may not be aware of it.

    Posted 10 months ago #

  8. YolandaMichelle
    Member

    Onlikia...I thought the site was black and married with kids...and u have a questions about your boyfriend?????...enough said after 9 years. Ask this question after you have been MARRIED for nine years!!!

    Posted 10 months ago #

  9. BrothaTech
    Member

    "...I guess I feel that if you are not happy and you have lost the will power to try and make your relationship work, then why cheat just leave."

    If YOU have lost the will power to try and make YOUR relationship work, then why sit under somebody just for the sake of being under somebody and just leave?

    ...at least homeboy is trying to make himself some sort of happy...You on the other hand sound like you are cool with being stuck on relationship standby. Why are you waiting on him to make the first move? TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, when he does make or hints at making a move that you don't agree with...he is the bad guy? You know what you have to do,you already said you both have pulled away from each other, but again, you are waiting on somebody else to make you happy (which is prolly why you two are unhappy in the first place)

    *did I say that last part aloud*

    "I am the master of my fate, the captian of my soul" <----just a little something from me to you! USE IT!

    Posted 10 months ago #

  10. tiredmommie
    Member

    couldn't have said it better myself brothatech. onlikia, u need to be a woman and take responsibility and accountability for urself. stop waiting on ur boyfriend to do something wrong so u can play the victim.

    Posted 9 months ago #

  11. Married10years
    Member

    Yes there is justification for cheating. Because both will be too blame if the person was cheating because of something not being taken care of at home. How you handle the situation and conditions of your love will justify the affair. In relationships there are agreements and then there is reality. Reality is it’s not easy to walk away from the home you have built…including time invested. You do love the person for many reasons…however youth, needs and wants should be a priority! When love isn’t being made at home the door for temptation is swung wide open. Most people should know this…even the bible speaks of it. So just be careful of how you are handling things because you could be handing your man or woman over on a silver platter.

    Posted 9 months ago #

  12. jtb
    Member

    LOL at YolandaMichelle, but you are correct! Having a boyfriend is not a commitment, and therefore, you can't cheat if you aren't committed. The only committed relationship is marriage. And after 9 years, and he hasn't made you his wife, that in itself is a problem! jazz1eme is also correct!!!!!! Marriage is not only a joining of a man and woman, but you sign a contract with God as well. I think that's were most people fall short, they forget that God is the 3rd person in every marriage, or should be!!!! So to cheat on your spouse, is to cheat on God as well! There is NEVER a good reason to cheat on your spouse!

    Posted 9 months ago #

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