I am a mid-30's female, married, with three kids. My husband and i had always thought of ourselves as the typical middle-class family until recently. Both my husband and I have always held full-time jobs. My husband, however has always been the "breadwinner" of the family. Last December my husband was laid off from his generous paying job. Intially we were ok, as we had a little bit of savings tucked away. The savings went quickly, my husband did not qualify for unemployment, and here we are almost a year later and still no job. At first my husband went through a period of depression which lasted a couple of weeks, but he picked himself up and dusted himself off and started to look for work. As time passed, it seemed to me that he stopped looking as hard. I maintained my job which just managed to cover our bills and living expenses(after a few necessary lifestyle changes) and took as much overtime as possible to make ends meet....Here's the problem...I have tried to be encouraging and understanding but how long do I continue like this. We have two children who are not yet school age. When I was pregnant with our last child I stayed home with the baby for eight months until I voluntarily decided to go back to work. Although we both decided that my staying home was the best arrangement for our family at that time, my husband always uses this as an excuse as to why I CAN'T complain about his not working("You were home for eight months and I didn't say a thing"). I work at night three times a week, 7am-7pm, and when I get home, I am welcomed by dishes piled high, kids unkept, and the house a wreck! I usually end up coming home from work only to begin at second shift at home. I am physically exhausted and mentally drained! I have tried to discuss with my husband that I need his help and also that perhaps he should stop waiting for this six figure salary job to magically appear and get a JOB...ANY JOB---he seems to only look for jobs similar to what he used to do. He either claims that he is actively looking and no one is hiring or that his losing his job has been traumatic...he has lost his way and just needs to get his footing. I have so much resentment towards my husband at this time. Our relationship has been greatly affected, including our sex life, which by the way had already been strained. He accuses me of looking at him as less of a man now that he has lost his job...sadly enough I think he maybe right. I want to be supportive, but i am hurting in so many ways. I feel so run down...I am constantly sick. I used to be so proud that everyone always mistook me for a person in her late teens, early twenties; No one has done that in awhile!...I feel defeated. How long should one be supportive of their unemployed spouse?...Any thoughts are welcome.
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How long should you be supportive of an unemployed spouse?
(3 posts)-
Posted 10 months ago #
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I can totally relate to your situation. I too, am married and my husband isnt working and I know how frustrating it can be. But there are some things that you can do to make the situation a little better. For instance, you have to find time for yourself!!Go for walks or read a good book, but you must find time to reflect and pray. Do something that will help you feel good cause your positive mood will then make him feel good also.
And also you have to realize that he got fired which means that he his hurting also. I can see if he quit but he got fired and he didnt have any control over that so you two have to learn to pull together and come to some type of resolution. Tell him how you feel and what you want from him and vice versa. Or you can help him look for jobs also. As for how long should one be supportive, well thats totally up to you but if you do decide to be supportive for another year or ten more years make sure you dont lash out on him cause it was your decision. We all have our breaking point.Posted 10 months ago # -
I agree with Determined but I must add that I'm sure your feelings are being fueled by coming home to a second shift - that to me is not cool. Husband needs to realize that taking care of the home and the kids is a job that he can and should be doing right now. Being the at-home spouse/parent is not easy but, like any job, when well done it can be very rewarding and may help him feel better about himself.
Posted 10 months ago #
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